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Moving On….By Not Moving On
When is it okay to just stay where you are and not move? We’ve all heard the quote, “If you’re not moving forward, you’re backing up” and yet there is something to be said for the present and what the present is for. In fact the present is all there is. The past is gone and the future has not arrived and yet we spend 80% of our time ‘living’ in the past or the present, and therefore not ‘living’ at all.
This morning I spoke with a woman who was thinking of becoming a coach. She had been out of the corporate world for a short while, had two children, and a husband who traveled several nights a week. She and her children wanted more time with him. He loved his family but he also loved his job and it provided well for his family. She complained there were not enough hours in the day for all the children’s activities and yet she still had no time with her husband. She wanted to be a professional, give back, etc.
Two of my questions to her were: Did she want to fill a void or start a business and When did she envision she would find time to start a new business?
It seemed to me in our brief conversation that she was process, in transition, and felt compelled to make a decision (who am I?), take action (what am I supposed to be doing with myself?), have a label (professional, career woman). It seems she was concerned about what she would do with herself when the children finished school and left home….in about 10 years.
Something is definitely missing in her life and my guess is you've either been in this position or know someone who is or has.
It sounded as if she knew being a Mom was important, and yet some part of her belief system was saying: there must be something more….success means more than this. Could the fact that her husband was challenged, passionate, and fulfilled in his work and she was not be the crux of this situation?
For most of us, being in this place of chaos, unknowing, ‘the void’, indecision, process, whatever you term it; is most uncomfortable. To have a label, a title, a career, a path where we get regular recognition (and make no mistake, a paycheck is recognition) is what we identify with. We are our work all too often.
I believe this woman was running from the unfulfillment, not towards a business. Starting a business takes a lot of energy, time, money and resources. Don’t jump into it unless you’re prepared to give it your all for the first couple of years and sometimes longer. And it needs to be something you love. Don’t rush to grab any answer just because it seems to be a way out of the chaos. Its okay to stay in process - to sit with the unknowing; to listen to the voice inside; to pay attention to the little things. It’s okay to just ‘be’; to journal, read, meditate and to challenge every belief and assumption that comes up.
What if we don’t know what label to wear? That’s the scary thing isn’t it? We feel naked without our label. And in that naked vulnerability, if we allow ourselves to stay there, we might find our true desires, our true Self, or our truth.
"Most women have been trained to experience their doubt more strongly than their desire or vision...They have complete and total faith in their doubt. it is unshakeable. That's why their lights are off and they have no glow....because doubt can squeeze the life out of a desire." ~ Best Selling Author Regena Thomashauer